This is not ment to be a complaint post but more of a reality post to get myself out of my funk. Friday night was b's birthday and we had plans to eat dinner with friends at a japanese steakhouse. Before becoming pregnant that would have been awesome, we would have had drinks and much more fun. Now, any outing is a complete nightmare. Yes i have maternity clothes, yes they are semi cute, no they don't always fit or look right making me a miserable bitch.
Honestly the mental breakdown that follows getting ready is not even worth it. By the time I have given up and chosen a piece of clothing I'm so pissed and rilled up about how awful I feel and look I snap at B and have no hopes of enjoying the evening.
The point of my post is that being a stay at home mom before I am a mom has made me a monster. My already hyped up aggressive do it my way attitude is out of control. I overheard B telling the dog that all mommy says is no. And telling him to be patient because mommy will go back to normal soon. I wanted to cry and lock myself in my room. I felt so bad for them, mostly because B was right I have turned into a monster.
This momma needs an outlet, to feel productive, to release some of my bitchiness before B comes home. I think I need to work, for mental reasons. I feel like the sheep dog who got retired. I have been so blessed to stay home, but I regret it. Having no plans no structure and only the dirty dishes and a pile of dog hair to keep me company has sent me to the looney bin.
Solutions that I plan to act on are cutting out all sugar. Something that is going to be super hard for me but better in the long run. I don''t need the extra calories and I need to start eating better before I start feeding Bean. Second, now that I am off bedrest I am going back to the gym. I know I can't diet while pregnant but I will help me stay toned and burn some energy. Third, I need to get an outside hobby. This one is tougher because my outside hobbies include livestock and until we get our property fenced there will be no farm animals.
Stay tuned for more meltdown stories. These emotions that have popped up overnight (kinda like the belly) really suck. The part that I have no control makes it even more irritating. This emotional heap of boobs and belly is off to eat a sugar free breakfast.
Something creative would be really helpful I'd imagine, some sort of project. Can you set up a little garden? Or get into painting or something? No idea what else would work outside.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you will think of something though :-) Keep us updated x
Oh honey! I feel exactly the same way! I feel incredibly useless, especially in the face of our money troubles at the moment. I haven't had a "proper job" for 18 months, a decision that we made because we could afford it, and I was extremely burnt out from my last job. Despite working from home doing bits and pieces of consultancy stuff, lately I've been very flat and emotional about it all, and struggling to get into doing stuff.
ReplyDeleteThe whole bed rest bizzo hasn't helped either.
Good on you for getting back into the gym! As soon as I get the all clear from the doc I'll hopefully get back to yoga.
We need projects... We're project people you and me!
Big hugs to you hon. Keep breathing! Xo
Oohhh, just thought of a project that may interest you, although it's an indoor project...
ReplyDeleteLately I've been working on mine and The Man's family trees on Ancestry.com. I thought it might be cool to have something for bubs, and also for The Man's first four kids to be able to track the families.
I've wasted hours and hours on it!