Thursday, May 31, 2012

Life Alert

Honestly blogging has been boring.  Resulting in a lack of posting.

I'm not sure how many more times I can say that I feel huge and have kankles the size of thighs before becoming a parrot.

Basically I have nothing new to post about this pregnancy other than I'm finished.  Bean needs to get on outa there before I go crazy. He keeps playing doorbell ditch on my cervix and I must say the continued days of contractions are super duper annoying!

Everyone has seen the life alert commercials. I practiced making one yesterday. For real.
Since the hippo feet need to be elevated I thought I would lay on my back and prop hippo feet on the birthball.  Great idea until it was time to get up.  My hips and rear were numb to the point I could not move literally I was stuck and could not get up.  After lots of cussing and tears and maneuvers I never want to try again I un-stuck myself.

On an off topic rant I would like to ask Santa for the 6 days back that I lost while reading the "Grey" trilogy.

My next post will be about Bean's arrival.  Hopefully its tonight or tomorrow, heaven forbid I have to be pregnant for 14 more days.  Send a rescue team out for B if this baby chooses to be "well done" I have been grouchy long enough.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

BirthPlan

This is B's birth plan.

Pack clothes- will take 2 minutes estimated time

Bean will come on a friday night, when he isn't busy

Next friday looks good according to B's schedule

Pack Ice Chest ( I need to have everything ready ahead of time)

I am allowed to go into labor once I pack mine and Bean's bags. Until then he must stay put

I need to collect all misc snacks and "home comforts" prior to labor

I need to have my birth plan, birth playlist and "just in case" plans ready

There is much more although I stopped listening after my list was growing while his was shortening.  This man is not good I repeat NOT GOOD under pressure.  I can play an awful version of what might happen in my head and its not pretty.

The swing has been assembled and no persons were harmed in the process. A small miracle in its self.  During the three day weekend we will be conquering the remaining tasks in the nursery and installing the carseat.  All neighbors are on standby for pet duty. Freezer meals are ready and waiting. Now its just waiting waiting waiting until this boy makes his entrance.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Read Between The Lines

B is no mushy gushy romance type of guy.
He is a softy though, its just a matter of seeing through his bull and sarcasm to find it.

Throughout this whole pregnancy he has kept up his snarky behavior, until recently.  After 9 months he is finally willing to surrender to the belly.  I seriously need to write this stuff down so I can cherish these memories while he denies them 20 years from now. 

The last few nights B has come home gone straight to my belly and started asking "Bean" how his day was and carries on a whole conversation before he says hello to me.  Its tear jerking, really super cute stuff  that I get to watch.

Nighttime is even better on the softy scale.  B will tell Bean, "don't kick me, we are going to hang out before bed".

And just like that it's like I've disappeared and its just B and the belly. He talks and sings and carries on about whatever.

B may not come out and say he is excited and ready to be a dad, but these tender moments can't fool me.  Bean and I are so lucky to have B's love and affection, even if it takes time to de-code.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Sleep Training

This last week I have been infant sleep training myself.  Everyone needs sleep, at 9 months pregnant I feel I need more sleep and somehow I manage to get NONE.

Sleep is off galavanting with my skinny feet and ankles while I'm left swollen and sleepless.

Right about now I regret having a "tall" bed.  For more than one reason it is on my shit list.
For starters its too tall, I'm too short.
I'm pregnant, there is no longer space for me to lift my legs onto the bed.
Getting off the bed is just as dangerous.
The acrobatics needed to get on and off the bed cause contractions, super annoying when I have to pee.

This is how my nightly routine starts.
10pm -get in bed play on phone or read until I have to pee
Get out of bed, pee, try to get back in bed, contractions
What feels like and hour later I'm finally comfortable.. but... I have to pee again
Start process all over 3-5 times per night and then bam its 5:30 time to make coffee and get B off to work.
6am-7am get comfortable again and sleep until 8:30- 9am if no one calls, texts, Facebooks me.

Total time slept 3ish hours all interrupted.  Sometimes I can nap during the day adding another hour or so of sleep. Making a grand total up to 5hours if all goes right.

Apparently my body has some sick way of preparing me ahead of time for sleeplessness.  So far it sucks!

Only 10 days to make Bean a June Baby!



Friday, May 18, 2012

Jessica Simpson

We had one of those in class last night.  I really hope she knows the baby comes out her who-ha and not her butt.  This question was actually asked.  For her sake please hold any additional judgement that I have not already subjected her to.

dumb woman " so do I just not feed my baby until my milk comes in?" 


Instructor " babies start eating within an hour of being born.  Your body makes colostrum to nourish baby until milk comes in" 


I seriously feel bad for this child.  The sad thing is this woman is not 12 though she acted like it the entire time.  I grilled B on the way home making sure I didn't ever appear that dumb despite the fact that I'm "young".

Overall class was 2 1/2 hours of personal stories and one ten minute video of wasted time.  What took an entire evening could have been summed up in two or three sentences.


The key to a successful latch is keeping babies head and spine aligned.  Contrary to "holding" baby in a specific position.  Baby is properly latched when the majority of the areola and nipple are in babies mouth. Breasts are self cleaning, no need to "wash" after every feed. It will be uncomfortable days 2-6 when encouragement and nipple cracking occur. 


That took two minutes to type, maybe I should email the instructor about time management, lists and being an efficient speaker.  Class would go much much faster and the same paragraph of information would be delivered.


Yesterday I went eviction crazy. Poor Bean got bounced around on the birth ball all morning, I ate, napped and bounced until a tool box was delivered.
This is for size comparison 

So this sized box got dropped off. Said box was a trade in. Said box was from a dirty body shop. Said box is HUGE.  So to satisfy the urge to nest I started cleaning it.  The box is now shiny red and could actually house tools.  B just about shit his pants when he opened the garage and then gave me a stern warning to stop "going crazy".  

Bouncing and tool box scrubbing = contractions ( very strong painful ones)

In all the what to expect books, no one has mentioned cleaning tool boxes or putting tools away to start labor. If successful I want to be added to the book!


Thursday, May 17, 2012

I didn't Know I was Pregnant......

Shows like this exist because some bodies don't change during pregnancy!!!

Clearly my womb has grown due to this basketball that seems to get in the way of everything... Yet these damn doctors keep telling me I'm SMALL!!!!

I'm over it, to the point where I want to tell them not to measure me anymore and I will come back when its time to push.

At this point in time Bean has great heart tones, moves all over the place(he put on an acrobat show during the app) but is measuring 31 weeks instead of 37.  His head is also starting to engage in the pelvis making me measure smaller.

So far he is listening to me by preparing to come early, no one better mess this up!

I have one week to make "change" or we go for another in depth ultrasound.

To my surprise my blood pressure was low yesterday, still no protein or glucose in my urine and no headache or other pre-e symptoms.  Meaning the lovely kankles I've been sporting are just part of being pregnant and will most likely stay/ get worse.   I improved my iron and am still on the low end for weight gain despite how "huge" B tells me I am.

I will be dragging B to "Milking class" tonight.  This should be interesting!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Conclusion

5 weeks of birth class came to an end last night.  Even though we didn't overly participate in class it is sad to see it end.  B and I had a lot of fun "bonding"during these last few weeks of hushed sarcasm.

Last nights class was about transfers and emergency situations.  Basically making ANOTHER plan of what to do "just in case".

We got instructions for postpartum care.  Basically week 1 I'm supposed to stay in bed, eat. sleep and feed Bean, THATS IT!  Week two I can start "light" activities.  That first week should be interesting, I'm certain we need that week on audio as well.

Our guest speakers brought their brand new baby (literally less than a month old) to help answer any questions or fears we might have.  That baby was so damn small, cute and scary at the same time.  In just a few weeks, B and I will have one of those (even smaller) to care for.


I have been on operation baby clothes. I have done 5 loads of just baby laundry.  This kid seriously never has to wear the same outfit twice.  Thanks to cousin Mary, Bealls and Babies R-Us Bean now has socks, bibs, jammies, and day clothes.  Since he now has more clothes than I can stuff into his closet the spare room and become baby clothes folding/snapping central.  Even B came in to help clear out the massive-ness.

Our bag is still unpacked, the swing is still unassembled and in the box, the carseat has yet to make it in the car and I'm freaking out.  B on the other hand is so chill and unconcerned that this baby could come at any time .  It drives me crazy how relaxed he can be in such a time of uncertainty.

Updates on Bean tomorrow!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Mother's Day and the Home Stretch

Sunday was my first half mother's day.  This year B asked Ace and Coon what they got me for mother's day.  Both sat staring with a blank expression like shut up or share your food.  Coon however did let me sleep in until 10 making it the best day ever!

No mother's day is complete without sarcasm so B also asks what Bean got me? Ummm... Nothing but I bet I will get a few kicks to the ribs and heartburn later!  B is confident that Bean can cook me breakfast in bed next year.

B went to work, I took a nap and then got ready for dinner.
We ate here!

Had these for an appetizer

We both had fillets "oscar style". So so delicious.  That night I only left with one dessert, the mile high chocolate cake.  
How far along? less than 30 days from my due date

Total weight gain: Around 20ish pounds, maybe more after all the cake and ice cream

Maternity clothes? Nothing new, but I am trying to mix up my small wardrobe with shirts that still fit from before. 

Stretch marks? No new ones! The belly is still free of them! 

Sleep: Sleep has been awful.  Partly because our bed is so freakin tall.  I have to pee every two hours at most, and then jungle gym my way back into the bed, suffer through a few BH and then try to get comfortable.  I sleep for an uninterrupted 2 hours after B leaves in the morning. 

Best moment this week: Getting a wicked good pedicure, taking more maternity pictures and then enjoying my first mother's day. 

Miss Anything? Sleep, being comfortable

Movement: He still moves quite a bit, it more rolling side to side or scrunching into a ball. 

Food cravings: Cake, cookies and any sweets in general. I must slow down!!!!!

Anything making you queasy or sick: After eating too much or not enough the sickness is back. 

Gender: boy

Labor Signs: Lots and lots of braxton hicks. My belly is constantly tight. Pressure and a lot of cramping are new so hopefully that means he got the eviction notice. 

Symptoms: Braxton hicks, cramps, leaky boobs, heartburn and massive swelling.  Kankles are the new accessory this year. 

Belly Button in or out? Completely flat, sometimes it sticks out :( 

Wedding rings on or off? On until sausage fingers get to tight. 

Happy or Moody most of the time: Good as long as I've had coffee and waken up on my own. Other wise stay away. 

Looking forward to: Check up tomorrow, chiropractic adjustment, birth class tonight and thursday. Babymoon to the beach this weekend. And then full on eviction process is starting.  And saving the best for last everyone will be here in june!

New boots picture

One of the sneak peaks from saturday 


Almost done!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Pedi Interview #2

Tuesday I spent a ridiculously long 45 minutes meeting a pedi and his "main" nurse.  The practice happens to be holistic and only accepts out of pocket pay.
This is both good and bad.
From the holistic point of view they are not bat crazy about rules of vaccines, antibiotics and other common pedi policies.
The down side to being more open to my views on pediatrics comes with a hefty price, about $6 a minute to see this guy.

Things were going better than the visit with Mrs. Frizzle UNTIL............
Until it came to discussing eye ointment and Vitamin K (drops vs shot).
I can see where my juvenile appearance may give a false sense of stupidity, however I can assure that I will not be trying out for the next season of 16 and pregnant.
As shocking as it may seem this baby was actually planned and more shocking I know who the "daddy" is.

So besides that small incident things went better than I expected.  After waiting a few minutes, about $30 worth of time I got to meet Dr. David.  Because his entrance was so bold, I have included a small clip of him.

So after comprehending everything that was discussed, the condition of the office, staff ect, I am still undecided.  I don't love them, but they are certainly better than Mrs. Frizzle.  I will keep looking until I find the "Dr. Kody" of Florida.  


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

4 down 2 to go

Last nights class was all about after labor. Basically there is a checklist of things that have to be done before we can all go home as one tired baby crying family.  The soonest we can leave by law is 2 hours after birth, the average is 4-6 hours. Take that 4-6 hours plus the time it takes to get Bean out its basically a whole day... not exactly the in and out experience I was expecting.

We were told to drink lots of fluids after delivery to keep everything "flowing". Only my support partner would ask if alcoholic beverages were allowed. It did break the ice in the room and people started laughing. (we actually talked to other class mates).


Anyway the instructor was talking about taking it easy after delivery and the first few days will set the course for healing. basically the more active the longer you bleed after.
B- looks like your going to bleed forever
Me- if he comes on friday I will not be putting tools away saturday, don't even think about it




We got prepared that our "beautiful" baby will look ugly after they come out.  Wrinkly and possibly bruised and then they will shit all over! Awesome! sign us up for two!
B- i'm not touching him if he is covered in cheese
Me- just wait till he pee's on you 




Postpartum Doula- guest speaker

Basically she is a certified nurse and certified doula.  She comes home with you after having the baby. Sort of like in the hospital you have someone to bring the baby back and forth so the parents can rest.  No getting out of bed for drinks, diaper changes or for food.

Driving home B and I discussing hiring her. 
Me- I think its a good idea
B- I will help you 
Me- like when you helped when I was in the hospital?
Me- you slept and whined about how you were so tired and needed the doctor to hurry up
B- oh ya, maybe you should set up the interview
B- you know she isn't your maid?
Me- yea, thats my job. I don't have near enough time to show you where everything is and teach you how to do it. 


35 weeks 4 days







Monday, May 7, 2012

Big Girl Panties

As time is drawing nearer its time to put my big girl panties on and accept the fact a baby is moving in.  At dinner last night I asked B if he was getting nervous about having a newborn. His response was less than charming as usual " nope, no sense in worrying now. He has to come home and you get to watch him."

This weekend we ordered the remaining items off the registry.  The only two things we need now is the mattress and the baby.  I'm anxious to get the pack and play set up in the living room, the bassinet put up in our room and get used to everything before Bean comes.  None of those things will be happening due to our insane cat.  The baggage compartment on the stroller is becoming his favorite new hiding place.

The nursery is a pigsty again.  It was so close to being finished and now its back to shambles.  None of the space is functional yet.  Not to mention inconvenient when Bean will be in our room until he is old enough to sleep more than 2 hours straight.

The to-do list this week is short but very important.
1. Find pediatrician
2. Pack bag for birth center
3. Put carseat in back of car. ( a very real possibility this would be forgotten when it came time to "go")


So far the only thing B is concerned about his getting all his "snacks" packed into the bag.  He is already working on what he wants to eat.  He offered to get me the best doula money could buy if that would make birth easier.  Once I reminded him who was giving birth he quickly retracted his offer, though it was actually very caring and thoughtful.  Maybe he could just rent out the birth center, hire security guards and  I would feel like beyonce'.

Lastly we have gotten serious about doing the "P" massage. Previous breeders have recommended it to the point where anything is better than nothing, step aside awkwardness... this MUST be done!
I spoiled myself by getting $30 victoria secret underwear. No  5 pack of hanes for this mama postpartum.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

All about labor.......

Last nights birth class was not nearly as fun due to the fact that we were late and couldn't sit next to each other to talk smack.

Basically last nights class scared the shit out of me and I would rather have a gestational carrier deliver Bean.  Discussion of tearing, optimal labor positions, perineal massage and emptying of the bowels was enough to declare my "who-ha" out of business.

Apparently B and I should have been doing these "massages" since week 32. Obviously it still isn't happening.  B requested I learned how to do it myself so he didn't screw "it" up.

Last week we were told to make a birthplan, this week we were told to not have a birthplan as it can interfere with labor and progression. WTF? Make up your mind people! Also for every person at the birth add 1additional hour on average to push the baby out.  Awesome, so no one should attend my birth period and I should be delivering at home caveman style for speed and efficiency.


We watched some horribly graphic video of a woman give birth. All I have to say is ouch! And no one better ask if I want a mirror to see my baby.  Thats one of those images I can do without, and at this point in time I don't want to reach down and feel his head either. (insert really gross face).

The guest speaker was a massage therapist. She gave tips for swelling and discomfort.  I was jabbing B to listen because he refuses to rub my feet, his response "teach Ace to do it".  Although he did rub them when we got home for the first time ever! After about 5 minutes his hands started hurting and he had to stop, go figure!


I gained 7 pounds in two weeks, my belly grew 5cm and finally at almost 35 weeks my belly has passed my boobs!  Bean is doing great, head down and hr is in the 130's. Judging by my voracious appetite and constant need for sleep I would say we are both going through a growth spurt.

Everyone keeps asking if we have what we need for the baby. I reply with I guess, I haven't ever had one before. If we got a puppy instead I would know exactly what we need. Personally I don't want anymore "stuff" to put away. If anyone has the new baby manual and want to lend it out that would be awesome.