Lazy-ness-ness

It is now 5pm and I have done none of the things I promised I would do.  For whatever reason when I ask B to set the table, get me some water or any other mindless task its takes forEVER! Its not just him, I think its something most men, lack its called urgency.  So today I had a man day.

~I did not get dressed, why should I? By now its pointless
~ I did not eat well today
~ I drank more coffee than I should have
~ I looked at the dog instead of yelling because after the 50th time he still barks
~ I was too lazy to take out the trash
~ I was too lazy to go to the gym
~ I was just not in the mood to blog until this very second
~ I will blame my irritability on the cat ( I did not sleep due to his antics AGAIN)
~ I turned the vacuum on just to bother said cat, I did not actually use it to vacuum
~ I talked out loud to Bean for hours because I can
~ Overall I am satisfied with today, All this shit will still be here for me to do tomorrow

Updates on Bean
Measuring : 21 weeks
Weight: around a pound
Heartbeat: strong
Movement: all the time

Updates on Me
Symptoms: heartburn, nausea, bloody noses
Weight: same ( after 21 weeks of not gaining my midwife is finally off my ass)
Shape: Rounder, I can see my toes though
BellyButton: Shallow, hoping it wont actually pop out
Stretch marks: hooters, butt and fresh ones on my legs (the leg ones are bright red and purple)
Cravings: water and popcorn and frozen pb&j
Notes from the midwife: Braxton hicks are normal, having up to ten an hour is not a cause for alarm.  My nose bleeds will only get worse.  My heartburn is here to stay and I should stop taking zantac.  Me " too bad because I'm hungry and can't attempt sleep without it".  Both mom and baby are growing at an appropriate pace.

Side note, I did have to rub it in B's face that I will not be pregnant in july.  Now he gets to tell everyone that the original due date is in fact correct.

Overwhelmed

So this week I have been having major anxiety about how unprepared we are for Bean's arrival.  The fact that I have a little over 18 weeks until he will be here is just insane.  Because I am a planner and have to be ready for everything it literally takes my breath away that baby showers happen at the end of pregnancy.  It torture, I can't take the unfinished business.  I admit part of it is my fault, I did start registering at 8 weeks pregnant ( I couldn't help it). We have the crib, still in the box though.  Granted Bean still won't be here for a while and won't be sleeping in the crib for even longer but I need it finished.  What if he wanted to sleep there? What if i just wanted to look at his room in a finished state and not just a hap hazard construction zone???

The shower is not even my responsibility, yet I can't not have any control.  I'm too type A to enjoy someone else's effort (sorry in advance).  The shower requires a theme, usually the theme matches the nursery.  Well I had to go and be all unique and different, making it impossible to find shower decorations and such for a hunting/fishing/ duck call baby shower.  I spent hours searching for ideas and favors, games and decorations with no avail.  Having nothing ready for this like being stranded on a boat with no ore's.

We have an appointment to see Bean tonight.  We get to have another ultrasound to see growth.  My favorite part of the appointments are always when B lights up seeing Bean.  I love how involved B gets in making sure he is at every appointment.  I will post pictures tomorrow.

A little more Pregnant

So it has taken me 21 weeks, or 5 months and 1 week to get B to say I'm getting more  pregnant instead of fat.  That be sensitive to your girl because she is hormonal and self conscious is no where to be found in him.  I am feeling pretty proud of myself for getting him to acknowledge there is a baby in there, and I'm not just packing away the doughnuts while he is working.

A couple firsts happened yesterday.
I made a virgin mimosa with pineapple juice and sprite, it was almost as good as the real thing. The cool thing was that it made Bean go crazy.  I felt him kicking from the outside.  He must be getting stronger because my whole belly moves.
Later that night B got to feel him too.  We might have a soccer player on our hands.  Bean has finally figured out that feet are much better to kick with than suck on.
We got the crib yesterday. I want so badly to put it together all by myself. However crib assembly is another no no on B's list of don'ts.
We slept all night long. Thank you Coon!

We had another conversation about getting hitched last night.  It went something like this....
B- " Rich and Wendy are only coming to FL for a wedding and shower, not just for the baby"
Me- " coincidentally I looked at dresses today and they are all ugly"
Me- " I can't wear the same dress twice and I still really love my first dress, besides we don't even have a month to get married"
B- " Lets just do it in February"
Me -" nope its our anniversary, your birthday, valentines day and my parents anniversary" " We can't do june, august, september, october either and I don't want a thanksgiving or christmas wedding"
B -" great its settled"
Me- " perfect"


For those that don't know us, that conversation must be ridiculous.  However I'm a planner.  To the point where everything has its time and place.  Years ago I always said I would get pregnant in September so I could have a summer baby.  Bam! Guess what it happened that way.  Everything has to fit in the timeline and be perfect. I'm just not satisfied with the months that are left to get married.  I had my dream dress since high school, I got that too.  Enough about me, B is just as silly.  He chooses reasons to do or not do based on some reason I have yet to figure out.  Example we both want a large dog.  B's reasons for not getting one: No fence ( we are in the country no one has fences), no where to put it ( in the house with our other dog and psycho cat).  There are plenty others, they are just so bizarre I have forgotten them.  The point being is that we still aren't getting married by our own choice!

I also got a lot pregnant this week, Observe the bump!

Updates

1. How far along?: 20 weeks 6 days according to the WTE app
2. How big is bub?: 7-8 inches long and almost a pound. The size of a large banana
3. Weight gain?: I gain and I loose it, Maybe up a pound or two but it could change
4. Stretch marks?: Just on the boobs, bare belly so far.  I have a few on my upper things that go undetected most days
5. Maternity clothes?: Besides my grungy grey shorts thats all I wear.  Tank tops are a new favorite, they tend to make my bump more visible 
6. Sleep?: Is challenging. Either I'm fighting B for my snoogle, or Coon is keeping us awake 
7. Best moment last week?: Ordering the crib.  It seemed to make it even more real.  Time is going by quicker than expected. 
8. Food cravings?: I have been craving everything. The problem is that the food never lives up to the expectation.  Cravings have been less than good. 
9. Symptoms?: Headaches round ligament pain and stretching 
10. Exercise?: Swimming and water exercise 45 minutes to an hour five days a week 
11. Gender?: Still a boy 
12. Movement?: He moves all day long.  He moves more when I'm hungry or after exercise 
13. Belly button?: Shrinking, it gets less deep everyday.  I will not have an outy!
14. What I miss?: Sushi, I really want a plate of salmon sashimi. I asked for sushi and a margarita after I deliver.  B I better get both!
15. Labour signs?: None, although I have been having a lot of braxton hick contractions.  Some hurt, others just tighten everything 
16. What I'm looking forward to: Setting up the crib, B feeling Bean kick. 

17. Weeks Remaining:  20 Weeks Completed:  20 You are in your SECOND trimester   Days Remaining:  141 Days Completed:  139   Astrology Sign:  Gemini Chinese Sign:  Dragon Modern Birthstone:  Pearl, Moonstone Mystical Birthstone:  Moonstone Ayurvedic Birthstone:  Pearl   Hours Remaining:  3,384 Hours Completed:  3,336 Minutes Remaining:  203,040 Minutes Completed:  200,160 Seconds Remaining:  12,182,400 Seconds Completed:  12,009,600

Prison

For those following the adventures of Coon I have a hot from the press update.  I am now a prisoner in my own home.  Seems impossible? Absurd? Outrageous? But true!  Since demonstrating that he can open doors he now does it for fun and just because he wants to.  He lets himself into the garage, office, nursery ect whenever he chooses.  These are off limit areas and he knows this, causing him to show his dominance more and more.  Last night B and I caved.  Every single door in the house is locked from the inside.  Meaning I have to use a key to pee! I lock my self in my room at night to keep him out.  I can't open the pantry to get a snack with out having to remove the child lock.  WTF? How does this cat keep winning?
Once again my calm never angry B keeps loosing his shit over this cat.  He can't figure it out either, he goes to bed with a wooden spoon.  At 3am I hear " Coon if you don't stop I'm going to beat you with this spoon".  We take turns yelling but this cat is by far the boss.

On to daily life shenanigans.

B has decided to go on a diet.  Partially it is my fault he gained some weight, however one partner should not be allowed to diet while the other is PREGNANT!  Because I am not taco bell, I only make one choice for dinner.  Resulting in a meat choice with salad.  B has yet to loose any weight and I am starving!

 B bought bean his first gift the other night.  We rarely keep secrets, so when B handed me the gift I was quite shocked.  He actually got something all on his own, I didn't even have to remind him.

Last night Ace's miracle doctor made a house call to look at our dearest Coon.  He is so nasty that she wont look at him unless he gets put under anesthesia.  While she was here she asked if I was still looking for a J.O.B.  I told her no, that with the baby coming I was able to stay home.  She asked "what baby? Are you adopting". I replied no that I was already 5 months along.  I felt skinny again for about 5 seconds.

Bean is quite the kicker.  He kicks all day and all evening.  It feels like little flicks, with him getting stronger they are starting to hurt more.  I have been having braxton hicks contractions a few time a day.  Some are very painful other times my tummy just gets tight.  Bean is supposed to be the size of a large banana now.  I can feel his kicks from the outside, but B is more impatient about leaving his hand on my belly to feel it.

We finally have water again.  It is wonderful how good it feels to be able to wash my hands and put dishes away.

I went to the gym on monday.  I could not walk yesterday. I rested instead of working out, yet I still can't walk today.  Over doing it is an under statement.  I must go today! I have to go today! Labor is going to kick my ass if I don't get moving!

Man Cave 2.O

So Bean's room is going to be the talk of the town after its finished. We ordered the crib and it should be here soon.  I have until april to start collecting cool hunting, fishing, and duck memorabilia.

This will be Bean's woodsy crib

Window tratments.  camo on a tasteful level 

We already have the pictures and the fish, now time to arrange them like this!

We have a set of these on the wall as well!

 

Baby Simulator

This little fluff is the devil at night.  Coon came to us as a five week old kitten.  I though for sure he would have grown up by now.  I am wrong, everyday he continues to show me is not a cat but a baby simulator.

As a kitten he used to howl at night.  He would cry and make noises that could wake the dead.  We started making him sleep with the fan on to help block the noise.  That was futile.

Next we tried to use Ace as a baby sitter.  We shoved poor Ace and Coon into the "crate".  That worked for about two nights.  Ace did not have patience for his brother either.

Finally we found a solution that worked.  I turned the laundry room into Coon's room.  He has a basket with an egyptian cotton pillow and shag throw.  He has toys to keep him occupied and I started feeding him at night.  For six months there were  no problems.  No night wakings, no night screaming just happy cat happy mom.

Our peace went out the window when I found out that I was pregnant.  B and I decided that it was time for Coon to grow up.  There was no reason why he couldn't sleep at the foot of the bed, under the bed or where ever he choose.  The first night he lasted a few hours until he was shunned to the laundry room.  We have been trying to work with him over the last few months and instead of his time getting longer its getting shorter.  We are lucky to keep him out for 30 minutes before he gets "locked up".

At night coon turns into a mad man.  He bangs on the blinds, wood blinds at that.  He claws at the sunshade over our patio door.  Nothing like a good crinkle sound over and over.  He takes turns pouncing on us, biting us or knocking things off the nightstand.  Around 5:30 am he starts up the routine again because he is hungry.  He gets increasingly feisty if I don't jump up and feed him.

A couple weeks ago he was locked in his room when he decided to bust out.  He learned he could open the door by jumping on the handle.  His first attempt took awhile but now he can bust out on the first jump.  Leading to unable to contain the monster at night.  Any room he is put into he can get out.  He is immune to scolding and the word no.  Last night he reared his evil head from 3 am to 7am.  B and I did not sleep the entire night.

Coon was the biggest baby.  Nothing I did would console him.  Food, toys cuddling would not calm him down.  He was on a mission to pull down every curtain and blinds we have.  He managed to knock over everything on both night stands and open all the closet doors.  Both B and I were up and down every few minutes, making for a long night.  Because he can't be locked away anymore we just had to deal, something that we will have to cope with once the real baby is here.

As much as I thought B was going to be my biggest rock when it comes to being sleep deprived.  Last night showed me the only time B looses his cool is at night.  Sleep deprived B is the only time I have seen him raise his voice, curse and get slightly angry.  Part of me thinks its funny the other part is scared shitless.  Good thing Coon gets to wear us down before hand.  Happy monday everyone, its nap time.

Shots, Shots, Shots

Yes please, I would love another shot of water.

Since I have been slacking in my posting I will make up for it with a sunday special.

Friday night I had a bbq at the house. For those of you that have the patience to entertain and enjoy the disaster more power to you.  I on the other hand would rather cut my arm off.  Not only were there adult (who I hold to a high standard not to fuck up my shit) there were children, lots of them.  Needless to say the hours I spent exhausting myself to have a beautiful house went down the shitter the second those hellions walked in.  When entertaining, I do not eat, I do not sit still, I do not enjoy myself so we never have people over.  Good news is I survived and B cleaned the kitchen.

Fast forward to saturday.  The rebellious cat will no longer be caged at night making sleeping near impossible.  Thank you Coon! We actually slept in until 9 resulting in B sitting straight up screaming half the day was gone.  I made a huge breakfast and just enjoyed each others company.  Dinner plans are the only reason we got showered and ready for the day.

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason.  I washed the dishes in the morning, B did his laundry, and both of us got showers.  Water was used for all those tasks.  Said water stopped working at 3pm.  It is now 10 am and we are still waterless. Anyways back to the story.

B tends to be an over researcher.  When we got asked to dinner for once B accepted before reviewing any critics.  I looked at the menu, the dress code and location.  I knew from the start that this was a bad idea.  We get to dinner and like I had expected the place was a shit hole with over priced water.  Picture school cafeteria with dimmed lights, ten dollar appetizers the size of two quarters and entree's that could not make a five year old full.  On the upside, the bread was amazing.  I did manage to eat the entire basket and not share with anyone.

After dinner we went to the Green Iguana for some drinks and dancing.  Mainly I had to go to carry everyones shit and be the DD.  Last night was a scene only seen in movies.  Chick fights, cougars, drinks flying and a night to remember.  Last night deserves its own post, it was just that good.  Stay tuned for a night in cougar town.

5 Months

So there it is, 5 months pregnant and an itty bitty belly.  Its still undetectable under most shirts.  Bean weighs almost a pound now and about 7 inches long.  We get to see him again on monday and check his measurements.  I feel him kick all the time now, and B felt it last night.  We have been eating much better this week which has resulted in weight loss for me and gaining for B.  I seem to be hungry all day now which happens to be a nice change.  Heartburn is a bitch and seems to follow me around.  If the wives tales are true Bean must already have flamin red hair.



Yesterday I had a prenatal massage which was wonderfully relaxing.  It is a little awkward laying on my side though.  I managed to swim 3 out of five days this week.  Not as many as I hoped but better than nothing.  Monday I have my first round of maternity photos to take.  I'm super excited and can't wait to choose a picture for the shower invites.

Things to come:
Plan for B's birthday bash
Valentines Ideas and dinner
Anniversary
Preggo getaway at a Disney resort in March ( spring break trip is kid friendly now)
Finish nursery

P.s
For all you folks who keep saying get married, B did ask me what size ring I wore.  At the time he asked I was angry resulting in not telling him.  So yes folks I blew my own chance. And honestly I'm ok with that. Happy friday everyone

Couch Potato vs. Star Athlete

Since becoming pregnant I have become less than active, more like sedentary.  I would rise to eat, pee or get the mail, the other 16 hours were spent reclined on the couch.  While I had an awful bout of morning sickness, it passed about a month ago.  I'm still not gaining weight but my ass, arms and thighs seem to be expanding at an alarming rate.  Not only does being a lazy sloth make you lazy but it makes you flabby as well.  Friday I purchased a gym membership at an all women's gym hoping that I would meet other pregos and stay motivated.

Monday morning I get all geared up to go swim.  Literally geared up, new bag, new suit, new goggles ect.  Its mandatory to see a fitness counselor before getting started, I threw this lady for a loop.  I filled out her paperwork with just my name as the rest of the info was not important, I'm pregnant and my numbers will be increasing not decreasing.  She then had boot camp Sally come in to recruit me for the olympians water aerobics.  Once again, I'm pregnant I will not be participating in your death camp but thanks.  Next the fitness test, 5 minutes on a bike to measures how fit I am was a joke.  I was already tired and panting before I got in the pool.

I swam for an hour at a very slow pace.  I stayed hydrated and took breaks when needed.  Yet I was surprised when I tried to get out of the pool I could not pull myself up.  I walked out instead, or atleast tried too.  My legs were jello, I was dizzy and out of breathe like I just completed the iron man.

It's now day two and I have to go even though my knee is killing me and my hips are going to pop off like an old barbie. Today my goal is to stretch and not try and hold myself to old standards.  I still have 5 months to get this body into baby bearing shape.  I would post before and after pictures but it's pointless.

A Weekend Getaway

Over the weekend we went to Ocala, aka nothingsville.  There mall consisted of Macy's, Sears and maybe five other stores.  The internet was scoured for a spa, or anything relaxing with no avail. The best part was coming back to the room after walking all day to a room full of boisterous men. 

While at kick-off I was asked tons of questions regarding my pregnancy:

1. Are you sure your pregnant?

A- yes, I'm positive

2. You must of already had the baby, Congrats.

A- No, actually I will be pregnant for five more months. 

3. Where is your bump?

A- I dress appropriately, I outgrew my old clothes months ago. 

4. Are you excited? This was asked in excess of 20 times

A- Many times I wanted to respond with something snarky but a simple yes was easier

5. Do you know what your having?

A- Last time we looked it was a baby, no tail so it must not be a monkey. 

6. Having a baby is going to change your life forever

A- No shit, thanks for the tip :) 

The only positive thing was no one tried to touch my belly.  The ridiculous questions and comments are difficult enough.  

Side note, using the phrase "lady with a baby" to get your way does not work.  I did not get to cut the line at the restroom, I did not get to cut the buffet line, and my non alcoholic drinks cost the same as a regular drink.  

Side note two, I enrolled myself into water pilates, water yoga and some other aerobics class.  These cheese thighs and fat arms have to go.  I even scored a maternity suit at old navy for 12 bucks. I'm pretty excited to get my rear off the couch and start exercising again. 

Following in my mom's tradition this kid already has more ornaments than our tree had this year.  Things remembered had an awesome sale resulting in baby's first everything ornaments.  I even got one for B and I.  The poor engraver lady asked if I was ready to have Bean's engraved.  I replied with I'm not sure when he will make his entrance, I will come back once he is born.  I am an over achiever by nature, I can't help it.  

Side note three, during the awards banquet every time the hubby's got awards the wives got flowers.  B and another guy at the table got over a dozen awards combined, resulting in a dozen flowers.  Leave it to B to suggest that him and Mikey keep the flowers until valentines day so they can be re-gifted.  The sad part is B ment it, they are in the office waiting t be re-gifted as I type.  

All in all be had a great time with friends.  Lots of laughter, which feels so good since I hardly ever get out.   I also learned this weekend that I am no where near high maintenance, I do not require some of the upkeep that other wives do. 

Large Marge

I admit, the title is slightly exaggerated.  Its how big I feel though.  Its about time I start embracing this bump, its only getting bigger.  Bean is now the size of a large mango.  He is half the length of a ruler and weighs around 8-10oz.

Things I noticed this week:
1. Bean hates when I get tickled.  He balls up on one side and my belly looks ridiculous.
2. I have a huge appetite again.  I can eat all day!
3. I have to fight with B just to sleep with my snoogle
4. I have lost hours staring at my belly waiting for it to move.
5. None of my old clothes fit.
6. I feel great all day but I need an afternoon nap.
7. Its harder to get in my bed.
8. I think I had my first BH contraction and it sucked.


Things I would tell B if he would listen:
1. Stop sleeping with MY snoogle!
2. Don't eat my cheetos, I don't want to share food now!
3. Its so cute when you sing and talk to Bean.
4. Its not cute when you point out all my stretch marks or how much I've grown.  I laugh but I'm punching you inside.

Things I tell Bean daily:
1. I love you.
2. Be ready for your brothers.
3. Kick hard so B can feel it.
4. Do not stay in my belly until late june.

Not too bad for almost 5 months 

Did you hear me?

Pregnancy has robbed me of what little patience I had making me super rational all the time.  Lately I've been telling B that there is no point in me talking because 5 seconds later he asks the same question again.  The other night he tells me " you used to sound so happy when I called what happened?" I replied with " that was before I was reliving groundhog day every time I answered".  Case in point I'm being sensitive, emotional and a complete bitch for no reason.  So when B had the opportunity to call me out he sure as hell did!

Saturday we went to the midwifes office.  B reminds me that I need a letter clearing me for a prenatal massage.  I agree and spout off with something like "ya ya, I won't forget".  Her office is packed and the letter slipped my mind and I totally forgot.  On the way to the bank B says you forgot to get the letter, I said  " it's ok I will just have her email it to me and we can print it".

Fast forward to tuesday night
Me " Damn, I forgot tot get that letter"
B " laughing, I know don't you remember"
Me " no, we never talked about this"
B " yes on the way to the bank"
Me " I complete the conversation that we had"
B " So you are human, you're not perfect after all"

Big foot in mouth for me.  He wins! I not only forgot the letter but the conversation and the solution as well.  Needless to say he has had a field day with my recent forgetfulness.

Press Rewind

Over the weekend B and I went to Busch Gardens for the day.  The first thing I noticed about this money making enterprise is that it costs $14 just to park, However they do provide a courtesy shuttle.  Once getting to the gate I start observing the mass chaos.  It is still Christmas break and there are people EVERYWHERE!  Next stop the ticket window: The sign reads $79 for a one day pass, it should read hand over your first born and your wallet if you ever want to come back.  I will admit I made the first mistake of the trip, I handed B a map.  While a map might seem like a good idea I can assure you it's not.  With map in hand our leisurely stroll came to a screeching halt while Indian Jones ( B ) mapped our course.  Keep in mind this adventure would have been more fun had I not been sitting on the couch for 3 months prior.  Fast forward three hours: huffing puffing pregnant lady can barely walk and is DONE with theme parks, Indian Jones has to ride the train.  Pardon me for asking for a drink, heaven forbid we miss the train. After a mini melt down by Indiana, running to catch his beloved train, we made it!

His hand is raised in this picture 

Also this weekend we got to see our Bean for the "big" scan.  We had a great ultrasound tech this time, not the cold as ice snatch from before.  I just have to say that my son is already an over achiever.  The tech prepped us that sometimes the babies wiggle and squirm all over making it difficult to get all the measurements needed.  My son just laid there happy as a clam to let her measure.  Only a mom can brag about that, so I did!  The tech did indicate that Bean was slightly smaller than expected, causing me to freak out.  The midwife assured me that everything was still normal and Bean was still healthy.  I had gained 5 pound and lost 3 making a grand total of 2 gained.  That calls for a small baby and I, the babies oven am small so shove it!

this picture doesn't show the teeth marks

The last exciting this we had to do this weekend is cat proof the house.  Coon has always been more of a wild cat than an indoor cuddly one.  He is constantly getting into things and no discipline seems to matter.  He most recent accomplishment is learning how to open the closet doors.  One night while perfecting his skills he managed to drag an entire bag of onions into the kitchen and livingroom.  Apparently the mass amount of toys we provide are not nearly as fun as onions.  Now that he has mastered the skill we hear banging and crashing until he gets what he wants.  Yesterday he choose to test my patience once again.  Coon usually eats only raw meats unless I'm lazy and then he eats dry cat food.  Last night I fed him fresh steak, he wanted dry food, I did not give in.  He showed me by going to the closet where the food is, opened the doors and Beethovened his way through the bag of food.  Coon wins, I loose.  We now have childproof locks on the doors to keep the cat out.  That down right pissed Coon off so it will only be a matter of time before he succeeds in chewing the lock off.

1 year

This is not really the place to write about the events that took place last year, however I will say it was the day I got my life back.  Some say that there are seven stages of grief, I remember only three.

I processed through guilt.  I remember guilt so clearly because I was ashamed at how I felt.  I felt guilty for the things I said, wishing I would have been honest and not so curt.  I felt guilt for not feeling sad.  I felt guilt because I could start over and others could not.  I also had the pleasure of carrying everyone else's guilt because in death someone must be blamed.

This next one is a two part deal.  Its called anger and bargaining.  I had double anger and no bargain.  Its been 365 days and I'm still mad.  If I could scream and yell and make him see his actions caused his demise I would.  I was angry at everyone else who blamed me.  Everyone who had an opinion that they choose to go public with.  I was hot with anger over the fear I lived in.  I had no bargaining, I didn't want a different outcome.  More than anything I am angry that I put myself in that position to begin with.  I am angry for not asking for help.  I am angry that I let some piece of shit man control me and my existence.

The last one is acceptance.  I am no longer ashamed of how I dealt with the "situation".  When forced with a fork in the road to dwell, suffer and relive the pain or to move on, I choose to move on.  Whats done is done.  No amount of crying, moping or sitting around wallowing in pain is going to change what happened.  Because I choose to accept his death rather than live in denial, I was the most cold hearted bitch to ever walk the planet.  I would rather pick up my pieces and start over rather than humpty dumpty  them back together.  I wish that people could see that acceptance is going to come at one time or another.    Perhaps my detachment was easier due to the circumstances or because I had already given up long before he was dead. As insensitive, cold hearted and ridiculous as it may sound to some I was happy that my old life was over.  To me his death meant a new beginning, I had a chance to live life the right way again.

My theory on Mulligan Marriage:
My previous marriage was given a mulligan, a do over, an oopps.  While we said all the same vows that everyone else does, we lived them slightly different.  The term husband is to easily given out.  If you look up said husband in the dictionary it will say: drug dealer, wife beater, steroid junkie, alcoholic and later on a drug addict.  Sounds pretty awesome right?  When getting married I had no idea what I was in for.  While it takes two to get married, it takes two to destroy the union as well.  I was no angel by any means, I simply wanted out.  My out came, just in a different way.  I got a mulligan.  I know exactly what I do not want in a husband and what type of marriage I will never have again.

I can still remember this day like a movie, in time that will fade.  For now it is a constant reminder that I got a second chance and my fate ended in happiness and not a grave.  I can not thank my family and friends enough for going on this roller coaster with me.

" Don't let the past and useless details choke your existence"

Old Folks

Last night was friday, We went to bed at 9pm.

I had a horrible headache all day resulting in take out chinese soup for dinner. One episode of the Tree Hill and we went to bed.  B was snoring before I shut the t.v off.

Welcome to being old, no more clubs, no more drinking, and barely able to make it awake until our 10pm bedtime.

160 To Go

Yesterday I got to check on Bean, he is doing great.  He weighs around half a pound now, and had a steady heartbeat at 152.  I on the other hand have gained 6 pounds!  WTF? It just came on over night.  I also have two blood blisters.  Thanks to my growth spurt my boobs are now even bigger, causing blood blisters to form instead of actual stretch marks.  Today is day one with no coffee.  Stupid tension headaches you win!  Hot chocolate just doesn't cut it :(  My blood pressure was still 110/70 or on a scale of green to red its in the lowest green!

Food is no longer a challenge, I have to be very careful of what I put in my mouth now.  I have finished eating all of my cookies and will not be purchasing more.  The ice cream is all gone and replaced by fresh cut fruit.  My lunches have gone back to PB&J or a salad.  I attempted to stock the house with healthy choices instead of crap.  I want to start exercising again except if flippin cold out and I would rather not be cold.

I can't figure out where this first week of January went.  Next week is already kick off for Snap-on.  We have another appointment for Bean at the end of the month and then it will be February.  I am 18 weeks pregnant with only 22 to go.

My uterus is the size of a cantaloupe, Bean is a sweet potato 

B's rules for being pregnant

So since getting pregnant, B has implemented some of his own rules.  They are quite hilarious and have no medical backing.  As I grow, so does the list!

Don'ts
~ no pork
~ no skating ( ice or otherwise)
~ no biking
~ no bath tub alone ( this may be valid as I have fallen getting out)
~ no running ( it could jiggle Bean)
~ no lifting
~ no bowling ( that came up last night)
~ no Busch Gardens ( I don't ride the rides so who cares!!!!)
~ no fishing on boats
~ no cruises
There are plenty more however prego brain has robbed them from me.  I will also include a list Do's

Do's 
~ Fix him drinks
~ become a DD for 9 months
~ cook and clean
~ help with the tools
~ make his endless amounts of snacks ( its practice for when Bean comes)
~ clean his messes ( another preparer for Bean)
~ run errands that involve the car and no actual running
~ boss the grocery staff around to do the lifting ( I don't even look pregnant)
~ sex ( that activity is some how safe yet walking to the mail box is not)


Checking on Bean in a few hours, off to Mommy Group.  Doughnuts and coffee here we come.

Jokes

Jokes are funny, they make people laugh, however I am tired of being the butt of the jokes.  Granted being pregnant is hilarious and seems to supply an endless amount of material.  Today I think I will share some of the awesomeness that has unfolded this week.

I have always been rather clumsy and uncoordinated, much to the delight of my friends and family over the years.  Sunday night I managed to swallow water and air, resulting in spitting the entire mouthful on the floor.  The sad thing is that I never even tried to make it to the sink or an appropriate place to expel water with such force.  After saving myself from a near drowning, I started laughing hysterically causing B to laugh at me.  I continue to laugh/cry and clean up my mess while B continues to laugh at me.  I finally sit down and ask him why he didn't help? He replied " I just thought you found a new way to clean the floor".  His list of reasons for not helping are that original.  Nightly he asks if I need a bib or a sippy cup to keep the air out.

Example two: Monday night I was very tired and fell asleep easily.  Sometime in the night I managed to get up, use the restroom and proceed to sleep on the pot instead of coming back to bed.  Awesome I know, I have no recollection of getting out of bed in the first place let alone the events that follwed afterward.  B tells me at dinner last night " you know you fell asleep on the toilet last night right?" I responded " no? I had no idea I even left the bed"  B-" yep, you were gone for a long time.  instead of waiting for you to get up I just went to the other bathroom".  I'm not quite sure whats worse the fact that I fell asleep or that he left me there?

Example three: Everyone who has been pregnant or knows someone who is pregnant knows that every ten seconds they have to go pee.  With that being said, jokes that could result in an accidental peeing of the pants should not be allowed.  I will say that I have yet to actually pee my pants but have gotten close.  B must be on a mission to get one last thrill in before I beat his ass.  I was leaning over the kitchen sink, B comes behind me and pinches my rear.  Funny expect I was startled, it hurt and I almost pee'd my pants.  To B this is great fun, he has made it his mission to try multiple times a night to catch me off guard.  I can only imagine the pranks that Bean and B will be playing on me shortly.

I could list many more examples but these ones are the best.  We have an appointment to check on Bean tomorrow.  He is getting bigger and more comfortable in his "oven".  I feel him swimming about most days.  Chinese food really sends him into a frenzy.  I have started playing him music, they say it helps soothe them later on.  I purchased some clothes for Bean and a halloween bib.  I will give updates on Bean soon.

Jan 2nd 2012

Engagements

Since becoming "knocked-up", B and I have talked about getting hitched.  Mainly out of ease for documents, last names and when it comes time for Bean to go to school.  In other words, not the whole fairytale type of wedding hoopla that is associated with getting hitched.  Being married is not a necessity for either of us, making the rush to tie the knot more of "stop, do not pass go, do not collect $200".

So far 2012 has been the year for engagements.  Since Christmas at least five of our friends have gotten engaged, not including B's nephew.  B and I got word that ANOTHER person got engaged last night.  This morning, I turn on my computer and now LEBRON JAMES is engaged.  What the F??????

The part that gets me is that B must rub it in my face, or share the news in an over excited fashion.  I had had enough and made some flippant remark about "good for them" or something.  B proceeded with, " if it makes you feel better, go down and have my old ring melted into something you want".  Granted I see the problem solving aspect of being the man and trying to fix the problem, however the fact that this old ring was given to him by his ex wife defeats the purpose.

While we still agree that being happy with our relationship is most important, a girl can dream right? So incase B ever decides to read my blog, I have included a picture of my dream ring.