Tickets

This post is extremely personal, honest and a representation of my beliefs.  Through souls searching, meditation and divine intervention I've changed my life.  My beliefs are a reflection of my own journey... keep what fits and toss out what isn't for you.  This is a huge theme in my life now as well.  Keep the good from any situation, work through the bad and ditch the negativity.


This week I got a parking violation ticket and a speeding ticket within an hour of each other. I outlook on these tickets is one of appreciation, thankfulness and healing.  Here's why.......

Everyday we make millions of small choices that make larger decisions.  Every action has a reaction.. good,bad or indifferent.  This is vital to understanding the full process of self reflection and growth.

I regularly park in hourly restricted spaces and seem to beat the odds at every getting fined.  I've made many small choices to avoid tickets indirectly however I know the risk of a ticket is always possible.  When I saw the ticket my honest thought was okay, I will pay my $25 and move on. I wasn't angry, disjointed, ashamed or any negative feeling.  I had no reason to waste my energy getting mad or trying to get out of the ticket.  I knew parking there and disregarding the time limit could result in a ticket so I deserve to pay it.  I know that a ticket will not deter me from parking in the future so why bother getting upset.  I chose my behavior and directly chose my consequence.... It is no fault to the ticket, the officer, the meter ect.  Those are excuses we tell ourselves to avoid full acceptance and responsibility for our own actions.  Grow the fuck... we make mistakes and whine about the consequences when inside we know who is truly at fault.


My second ticket was even more expected from the same logic as above. I speed all the time I deserved the ticket... I'll pay my fine and move on.  What I wasn't expecting was a healing... A divine intervention if you will. 


I'm a firm believer in repairing emotional trauma.  I believe things happen for a reason. Most importantly I believe in going through excruciating emotional pain ( the kind that brings you to your knees) and learning valuable lessons......I invite you to join me on this story of rehabilitation and understanding.  



Seven years ago I was in a fatal accident, I also happened to be in a fresh breakup. The day of the accident is still such a blur with clarity like shards of glass.  These hard memories created wound in me I had forgotten about.  I made two phone calls that day... neither went well and left me feeling worthless, defeated and crumbled me to thoughts of wishing I was the one who died.  My self esteem has never been the same nor has it fully recovered. That day and many days after I used to subconsciously tell myself that if these people didn't care when my life was almost taken then why should I.  I had no self worth no confidence and no desire to live.  That accident was the first and last time I'd ever been been stopped on the side of the freeway ....Until Yesterday



Being pulled over instantly brought me back to the accident.  In that moment I was getting a redo... I was conquering that past hurt.  It came full circle for me.  I relived that horrific moment to see it from my new found peace. I was meant to get that ticket to let of that past.  I got to forgive myself for so many hurts, so many negative thoughts.  I took back my power. Coincidentally I made two phone calls after my ticket... Neither calls were answered... Just like all those years ago...... I believe the purpose was to show me how strong I've become.  To show me those P.O.S's don't have control over myself worth or me at all quiet frankly.  I cried tears of peace. For healing. For forgiveness.... But most importantly for thankfulness that I beat my demons and I made to the other side to see this healing take place. 


I am forever amazed at the ability to heal ones self.  I dedicate this post to every single one of you who have contributed to making me the person I am today.  Thank you for the love, the lessons and being a part of my journey.