Grinch

In Who-Ville they say, That the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day! And the minute his heart didn't quite feel so tight..... ~ Dr. Seuss


As the layers of past hurts fall away I'm taken back by the physical sensation of my heart breaking free.  It feels bigger, stronger, softer and full of this imaginable euphoric feeling of love.

This is precisely how the Grinch must have felt that Christmas morning down in Who-Ville.

I am reminded daily how far I've come, how blessed I am to have good people in my life and how utterly precious life is.

This week I pondered a lot on what to blog about, I have so much to share.  So many feelings and thoughts but none of it felt right.  Sometimes you don't know what you need until the right thing comes along. Its not always my journey to know... Be still. Be patient.It will come when you least expect it.

Saturday was supposed to be a pseudo mothers day... I wanted to sleep in, indulge in a cup of HOT coffee (opposed to the cold coffee I normally have) and delight in a perfectly toasted strawberry poptart....... the day I had planned so perfectly in my head seemed so simple, so attainable that it was impossible to screw up ( fuck you ego)

In reality things didn't go according to my fairytale plan... The plan was bigger, stronger more vast than me.  I was back to this place of dreamy expectation,  disappointing reality and the space between the two. 

My inner self's time to shine.... my ego could bitch and moan or my inner self could rein in my disappointment and make the best of the day.  In that brief moment I'd already beaten the brokenness inside me.. I choose to win and win I did!

The rest of the day was spent in this foggy appreciation for my life and the ability I had to make the best of it.  The power of my breath, my heart and soul is meant to be shared.  The more I live from the heart I'm able to see the good in others.  I beg you to find your inner-self and nurture it.

 I've always loved cards and holidays.... Mostly cause it meant I was supposed to feel something better than what I feel day in and day out.  Just because its mothers day or a birthday doesn't mean the feelings are real.  This year it wasn't about cards or gifts or anything really and for once reality beat my egos wildest imagination.  It's indescribable really to feel so happy so loved and entirely complete.  Its the words that are felt without needing to be said. I've worked my ass off to feel this way and god damn it felt good. For once in my life I felt deserving and not guilty. 


Ironically I fished mothers day with a frosted strawberry poptart and it tasted better than my 6 year old self remembered.  My heart grew three sizes this weekend and I'm forever grateful for this journey....