Topic: Nourishing my marriage
I was recently asked how I maintained a relationship with my spouse after having my son. In short I should have said I didn't.... When my son was first born I wish someone had really told me what it was like. So after learning what not to do, I taught myself how to nourish my marriage.
Before motherhood I had no idea how much time I truly spent on my husband . I had no little person following me or needing me constantly. I was available to him anytime. I spent time going that extra mile to be a great partner. We had dates, we had vacations and we had sex... lots of it in fact. Life was us.... Having a child changed all of that.
Becoming a mother became a who needs me more battle. My son always won. With the sleepless nights and long days I allowed my husbands needs to take the back burner. I spent the first year of motherhood emotionally closed off. My attention was for my son and that was all I could handle at the time. In retrospect I see how I could have done things differently.
By the time I realized there was a gap in my marriage it was too late. The date nights came and went. Family dinners, holidays and months passed with the same emptiness. My marriage was on life support despite loving my husband with every fiber of my being.
What I learned: My marriage has a bank account so to speak. I have to make deposits in order to withdrawal. I had to really look in the mirror and see what I was bringing to the marriage. This isn't about money or any tangible things..... Its more than that. Its about giving your best self to your spouse. I needed to be available to my husband again. He needs a place that safe to unwind and let go, so does your spouse. Its about giving the best you have to them moment by moment. It takes two seconds to send a text that says " I love you" " thinking about you" or really any sweet sentiment. Take that time now before its too late. Be present, be emotional available, think before you speak..... I ask myself, Is this good? Is this constructive ? Supportive ect.
Using what I learned I have been actively dating my husband. Forget the babysitter, dinners and crowds. All those things are nice but won't have the same effect long term. These are based on my experiences so You'll need to make adjustments to fit your situation.
I talk to my husband all day long... he works 14 hour days so we talk, text, snap chat to keep us connected.
We have family meals at night and put our son to bed together. Those two hours before my son goes to bed is the only time he sees his dad monday- friday. I schedule this time and treasure it.
Once my son is in bed I have roughly 2 hours/10h weekly of un-interrupted time to do what I please...In my house that's spouse time. Sure I could be doing laundry or dishes but to be honest I don't want to and I won't. Our time is so limited use it doing what you love.
Get to know your spouse, ask them questions, grow together. No phones, no tv just one on one time. It takes time not money to keep a marriage. Share your thoughts and feelings. Draw a bath and sit together for an hour talking. Send that firtly text... Spice it up
If you take one thing from this it would be DON'T TAKE YOUR SPOUSE FOR GRANTED
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