This post is extremely personal, honest and a representation of my beliefs. Through souls searching, meditation and divine intervention I've changed my life. My beliefs are a reflection of my own journey... keep what fits and toss out what isn't for you. This is a huge theme in my life now as well. Keep the good from any situation, work through the bad and ditch the negativity.
This week I got a parking violation ticket and a speeding ticket within an hour of each other. I outlook on these tickets is one of appreciation, thankfulness and healing. Here's why.......
Everyday we make millions of small choices that make larger decisions. Every action has a reaction.. good,bad or indifferent. This is vital to understanding the full process of self reflection and growth.
I regularly park in hourly restricted spaces and seem to beat the odds at every getting fined. I've made many small choices to avoid tickets indirectly however I know the risk of a ticket is always possible. When I saw the ticket my honest thought was okay, I will pay my $25 and move on. I wasn't angry, disjointed, ashamed or any negative feeling. I had no reason to waste my energy getting mad or trying to get out of the ticket. I knew parking there and disregarding the time limit could result in a ticket so I deserve to pay it. I know that a ticket will not deter me from parking in the future so why bother getting upset. I chose my behavior and directly chose my consequence.... It is no fault to the ticket, the officer, the meter ect. Those are excuses we tell ourselves to avoid full acceptance and responsibility for our own actions. Grow the fuck... we make mistakes and whine about the consequences when inside we know who is truly at fault.
My second ticket was even more expected from the same logic as above. I speed all the time I deserved the ticket... I'll pay my fine and move on. What I wasn't expecting was a healing... A divine intervention if you will.
I'm a firm believer in repairing emotional trauma. I believe things happen for a reason. Most importantly I believe in going through excruciating emotional pain ( the kind that brings you to your knees) and learning valuable lessons......I invite you to join me on this story of rehabilitation and understanding.
Seven years ago I was in a fatal accident, I also happened to be in a fresh breakup. The day of the accident is still such a blur with clarity like shards of glass. These hard memories created wound in me I had forgotten about. I made two phone calls that day... neither went well and left me feeling worthless, defeated and crumbled me to thoughts of wishing I was the one who died. My self esteem has never been the same nor has it fully recovered. That day and many days after I used to subconsciously tell myself that if these people didn't care when my life was almost taken then why should I. I had no self worth no confidence and no desire to live. That accident was the first and last time I'd ever been been stopped on the side of the freeway ....Until Yesterday
Being pulled over instantly brought me back to the accident. In that moment I was getting a redo... I was conquering that past hurt. It came full circle for me. I relived that horrific moment to see it from my new found peace. I was meant to get that ticket to let of that past. I got to forgive myself for so many hurts, so many negative thoughts. I took back my power. Coincidentally I made two phone calls after my ticket... Neither calls were answered... Just like all those years ago...... I believe the purpose was to show me how strong I've become. To show me those P.O.S's don't have control over myself worth or me at all quiet frankly. I cried tears of peace. For healing. For forgiveness.... But most importantly for thankfulness that I beat my demons and I made to the other side to see this healing take place.
I am forever amazed at the ability to heal ones self. I dedicate this post to every single one of you who have contributed to making me the person I am today. Thank you for the love, the lessons and being a part of my journey.
Friday, April 29, 2016
Monday, April 11, 2016
Dear Nelly Pt.2 Dating
Topic: Nourishing my marriage
I was recently asked how I maintained a relationship with my spouse after having my son. In short I should have said I didn't.... When my son was first born I wish someone had really told me what it was like. So after learning what not to do, I taught myself how to nourish my marriage.
Before motherhood I had no idea how much time I truly spent on my husband . I had no little person following me or needing me constantly. I was available to him anytime. I spent time going that extra mile to be a great partner. We had dates, we had vacations and we had sex... lots of it in fact. Life was us.... Having a child changed all of that.
Becoming a mother became a who needs me more battle. My son always won. With the sleepless nights and long days I allowed my husbands needs to take the back burner. I spent the first year of motherhood emotionally closed off. My attention was for my son and that was all I could handle at the time. In retrospect I see how I could have done things differently.
By the time I realized there was a gap in my marriage it was too late. The date nights came and went. Family dinners, holidays and months passed with the same emptiness. My marriage was on life support despite loving my husband with every fiber of my being.
What I learned: My marriage has a bank account so to speak. I have to make deposits in order to withdrawal. I had to really look in the mirror and see what I was bringing to the marriage. This isn't about money or any tangible things..... Its more than that. Its about giving your best self to your spouse. I needed to be available to my husband again. He needs a place that safe to unwind and let go, so does your spouse. Its about giving the best you have to them moment by moment. It takes two seconds to send a text that says " I love you" " thinking about you" or really any sweet sentiment. Take that time now before its too late. Be present, be emotional available, think before you speak..... I ask myself, Is this good? Is this constructive ? Supportive ect.
Using what I learned I have been actively dating my husband. Forget the babysitter, dinners and crowds. All those things are nice but won't have the same effect long term. These are based on my experiences so You'll need to make adjustments to fit your situation.
I talk to my husband all day long... he works 14 hour days so we talk, text, snap chat to keep us connected.
We have family meals at night and put our son to bed together. Those two hours before my son goes to bed is the only time he sees his dad monday- friday. I schedule this time and treasure it.
Once my son is in bed I have roughly 2 hours/10h weekly of un-interrupted time to do what I please...In my house that's spouse time. Sure I could be doing laundry or dishes but to be honest I don't want to and I won't. Our time is so limited use it doing what you love.
Get to know your spouse, ask them questions, grow together. No phones, no tv just one on one time. It takes time not money to keep a marriage. Share your thoughts and feelings. Draw a bath and sit together for an hour talking. Send that firtly text... Spice it up
If you take one thing from this it would be DON'T TAKE YOUR SPOUSE FOR GRANTED
I was recently asked how I maintained a relationship with my spouse after having my son. In short I should have said I didn't.... When my son was first born I wish someone had really told me what it was like. So after learning what not to do, I taught myself how to nourish my marriage.
Before motherhood I had no idea how much time I truly spent on my husband . I had no little person following me or needing me constantly. I was available to him anytime. I spent time going that extra mile to be a great partner. We had dates, we had vacations and we had sex... lots of it in fact. Life was us.... Having a child changed all of that.
Becoming a mother became a who needs me more battle. My son always won. With the sleepless nights and long days I allowed my husbands needs to take the back burner. I spent the first year of motherhood emotionally closed off. My attention was for my son and that was all I could handle at the time. In retrospect I see how I could have done things differently.
By the time I realized there was a gap in my marriage it was too late. The date nights came and went. Family dinners, holidays and months passed with the same emptiness. My marriage was on life support despite loving my husband with every fiber of my being.
What I learned: My marriage has a bank account so to speak. I have to make deposits in order to withdrawal. I had to really look in the mirror and see what I was bringing to the marriage. This isn't about money or any tangible things..... Its more than that. Its about giving your best self to your spouse. I needed to be available to my husband again. He needs a place that safe to unwind and let go, so does your spouse. Its about giving the best you have to them moment by moment. It takes two seconds to send a text that says " I love you" " thinking about you" or really any sweet sentiment. Take that time now before its too late. Be present, be emotional available, think before you speak..... I ask myself, Is this good? Is this constructive ? Supportive ect.
Using what I learned I have been actively dating my husband. Forget the babysitter, dinners and crowds. All those things are nice but won't have the same effect long term. These are based on my experiences so You'll need to make adjustments to fit your situation.
I talk to my husband all day long... he works 14 hour days so we talk, text, snap chat to keep us connected.
We have family meals at night and put our son to bed together. Those two hours before my son goes to bed is the only time he sees his dad monday- friday. I schedule this time and treasure it.
Once my son is in bed I have roughly 2 hours/10h weekly of un-interrupted time to do what I please...In my house that's spouse time. Sure I could be doing laundry or dishes but to be honest I don't want to and I won't. Our time is so limited use it doing what you love.
Get to know your spouse, ask them questions, grow together. No phones, no tv just one on one time. It takes time not money to keep a marriage. Share your thoughts and feelings. Draw a bath and sit together for an hour talking. Send that firtly text... Spice it up
If you take one thing from this it would be DON'T TAKE YOUR SPOUSE FOR GRANTED
Friday, April 8, 2016
Dear Nelly Pt 1 Balance
Life is all about balancing... Balancing expectations and reality.... Balancing self time vs. family time
Today I'm trying a new format, a Dear Abby style with a raw edge when it comes to parenting and REAL life. Disclaimer: This is real shit, its honest, its raw and not sugar coated... Continue at your own risk!
Hobbies.... What are those? Are you thinking about them? What you used to do? What used to make your soul happy? How long has it been since you've done something for yourself WITHOUT feeling GUILTY?
Finding time for ourselves is nearly impossible... Add kids, husband, jobs, responsibilities and there is no time to breathe let alone enjoy a hobby. As women it is extremely important to carve out time for ourselves. If we don't take the time to establish boundaries no one is going to do it for us. Before we can "wife, mother, teach, or protect" we must remember our worth, our value and needs matter.
Can you pay bills with an overdrawn account? How many checks are you bouncing on your own energy. It is so vital to make that effort to honor thyself. Every single day take time to do something that fills your soul... Whether its getting up 30 mins early to actually enjoy that hot cup of coffee.. You'll thank me...... Is it going to yoga? Throw the kids in the car.. snot noses and all, I'm sure you think you can't go out with three day old clothes but you can and you should... You'll thank me.... Lock the bathroom door and read through facebook, twitter or a magazine... Just do it.
It starts by doing one thing and slowly becomes easier to navigate the levels of time needed.. You'll have those days where things feel fine and you can conquer care line and grocery shopping sans coffee.. Then there are the days where you need a stay-cation to just sleep. This is ok... You need this! We take on the boo boos, the meltdowns, the feeding cleaning ect and yet taking 10 mins for ourselves creates immense guilt.
I've been there done it all and thought this was how things were supposed to be. After my son turned two and i stopped nursing I finally got it. I took my first girls trip and spent 4 whole days with no kid and no husband. I can't tell you how much that trip saved my sanity and how much I realized I need to start putting myself first. I can be a better wife and a better moment if I make the time for myself.
Find what makes you happy and do that guilt free... Once a day, once a week. Whatever schedule fits your lifestyle. Call a friend, get a pedicure... schedule weekly blowouts. I don't know any mom out there who doesn't have a pep in their step after getting their hair done.
Ask for help, be your own advocate and be honest with yourself and your feelings.. If you need the break TAKE IT! Its your right to be you and not get lost in the chaos.
Today I'm trying a new format, a Dear Abby style with a raw edge when it comes to parenting and REAL life. Disclaimer: This is real shit, its honest, its raw and not sugar coated... Continue at your own risk!
Hobbies.... What are those? Are you thinking about them? What you used to do? What used to make your soul happy? How long has it been since you've done something for yourself WITHOUT feeling GUILTY?
Finding time for ourselves is nearly impossible... Add kids, husband, jobs, responsibilities and there is no time to breathe let alone enjoy a hobby. As women it is extremely important to carve out time for ourselves. If we don't take the time to establish boundaries no one is going to do it for us. Before we can "wife, mother, teach, or protect" we must remember our worth, our value and needs matter.
Can you pay bills with an overdrawn account? How many checks are you bouncing on your own energy. It is so vital to make that effort to honor thyself. Every single day take time to do something that fills your soul... Whether its getting up 30 mins early to actually enjoy that hot cup of coffee.. You'll thank me...... Is it going to yoga? Throw the kids in the car.. snot noses and all, I'm sure you think you can't go out with three day old clothes but you can and you should... You'll thank me.... Lock the bathroom door and read through facebook, twitter or a magazine... Just do it.
It starts by doing one thing and slowly becomes easier to navigate the levels of time needed.. You'll have those days where things feel fine and you can conquer care line and grocery shopping sans coffee.. Then there are the days where you need a stay-cation to just sleep. This is ok... You need this! We take on the boo boos, the meltdowns, the feeding cleaning ect and yet taking 10 mins for ourselves creates immense guilt.
I've been there done it all and thought this was how things were supposed to be. After my son turned two and i stopped nursing I finally got it. I took my first girls trip and spent 4 whole days with no kid and no husband. I can't tell you how much that trip saved my sanity and how much I realized I need to start putting myself first. I can be a better wife and a better moment if I make the time for myself.
Find what makes you happy and do that guilt free... Once a day, once a week. Whatever schedule fits your lifestyle. Call a friend, get a pedicure... schedule weekly blowouts. I don't know any mom out there who doesn't have a pep in their step after getting their hair done.
Ask for help, be your own advocate and be honest with yourself and your feelings.. If you need the break TAKE IT! Its your right to be you and not get lost in the chaos.
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