Living in a time where Insta-Models and catfishes are out to get our men..... Women judge each other solely on appearance. Moms in mommy wars over Pinterest projects and school party favors. Where does it end?
Have you stopped to look at these images as actual people? Have you taken the time to get to know them? As a society we lack the skill of relationships. Do we even know what it means to have bonded friendships anymore?
As humans our desire to feel loved, fit in and accepted is so great that society is suffering.We are at a time where anyone will do anything to achieve fame....I think its all a bluff, people are lonely and its our own damn fault for not being vulnerable.
How fake is this shit.... and we are all guilty to some degree of shaping the way people view us.
Have you taken the time to see that insta-model as anything other than the girl with perfect hair, make up and a banging body? What about her thoughts? Her goals and desires? Its easy to assume she has it all by a picture....
If you were a stranger looking at your own profile what would picture would it paint?
Would it show the struggles in your marriage? The discontent in life? The dark depression you fight so hard to block from the world? What part are you playing in your head vs the part everyone else sees?
Mine would show a happy family, smiles, and adventures. It shows family time, vacations and so much fun. What is doesn't show is pain, tears and hard fought battles. Pretending to have it all and pretending to be happy is so consuming. There comes a point where the suffocation becomes to much and its time to be real, be raw and be honest. If not with the world we at least owe it to ourselves.
My photos don't show anger, fear or resentment. They don't show the struggle it is to get up in the morning... How do you just tell someone all these thoughts and feelings without seeming creepy... Its wanting the whole world to care and be supportive but being to afraid to ask. Self doubt, self loathing, living in a shell is slowly sucking the life out of all of us.
Honor yourself, honor your heart and for goodness sake take off the mask and live your life. The best piece of advise I've ever gotten is to put myself first. The more I nurture my soul and give to my self the more I have to give others. The grace and forgiveness I've bestowed on myself had opened so many doors. We are all human, we all make mistakes the least we can do is support ourselves.
Each and everyone of us has control over our thoughts and emotions, the more we focus on the good the easier it is.
I'd rather loose people for being real than hang on to those who want the perfect image. Quality over quantity and that starts with my actions, my thoughts and my ability to love.....
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Monday, March 28, 2016
2,555 days
For the first time in 7 years I went home. To the town I grew up in, to the place where the memories are buried deeper than the ocean. To the pit of my soul consumed with the fear of failure. It took hitting rock bottom to pick myself up and take a long hard look in the mirror.
The last 18 months have been grueling. Being emotional re-born has pushed me to places I've never wanted to go. Looking at myself in the mirror and for once accepting the person I am. I was broken, I was hurting and not living.
"living" became getting up and doing daily needs all while longing for that next big "feeling". I found myself getting angry over nothing. I found my anxiety growing by the day. Imagine the scratchiest wool sweater on a hot July day. My own fears and insecurities were snuffing out the life I had yearned to have for so long.
To live is a choice... One that cant be bought back. No amount of money in the world could bring time back. From that moment forward I've fought for my time. To use it for good or at-least to stop the bleeding of the pain in my heart.
During this journey I have been able to honor myself, my thoughts and my feelings. My perception is my reality. Example: Thinking poorly about myself set the tone before I could even enjoy myself. That little tape in my head would say " you don't deserve this" " you're such a bitch" "this is boring" ect. All these thoughts and negative emotions were consuming my life and the filter in which I was able to feel anything. An amazing mentor asked me to describe myself once... Everything I thought was negative.......As a simple exercise she asked me to repeat 5 things I loved about myself.... Every morning I take time to honor myself and the good I have to offer.
By changing that simple track in my head my outlook was shifted so much that I was able to see the good in people again. I was able to forgive myself. Giving grace and understanding is free...... The ability to react from experience and understanding vs pain and hurt has been life changing.
This trip had been a long time coming. I was vulnerable, I put every once of energy into repairing feelings, relationships and broken hearts. All it takes is one person.... That first phone call was the scariest thing I've ever done. Saying I'm sorry and expecting nothing in return is a lesson in humility I wish I could have learned sooner. Taking that first step is always the hardest.... Having no expectations and being realistic with the potential outcomes helped balance my anxiety.
Conquering my fears, mistakes and making up for lost time is my mission. With a passion I want to fight for the good. We are all human, we all make mistakes. We all have feelings, honor them, share them and please don't fear them. Holding pieces of ourselves in causes even more confusion in this rat race of a world.
Social media has brought out more insecurities and even more competition.... Think about your family, friends and ourselves. These are the ties that bond us. Your feelings matter.... embrace your power and change the world one person at a time.
One phone called made this trip possible, I'm a amazed and thankful for my family and friends for supporting me on this journey.
Time is the only currency that we need... Spend it wisely
The last 18 months have been grueling. Being emotional re-born has pushed me to places I've never wanted to go. Looking at myself in the mirror and for once accepting the person I am. I was broken, I was hurting and not living.
"living" became getting up and doing daily needs all while longing for that next big "feeling". I found myself getting angry over nothing. I found my anxiety growing by the day. Imagine the scratchiest wool sweater on a hot July day. My own fears and insecurities were snuffing out the life I had yearned to have for so long.
To live is a choice... One that cant be bought back. No amount of money in the world could bring time back. From that moment forward I've fought for my time. To use it for good or at-least to stop the bleeding of the pain in my heart.
During this journey I have been able to honor myself, my thoughts and my feelings. My perception is my reality. Example: Thinking poorly about myself set the tone before I could even enjoy myself. That little tape in my head would say " you don't deserve this" " you're such a bitch" "this is boring" ect. All these thoughts and negative emotions were consuming my life and the filter in which I was able to feel anything. An amazing mentor asked me to describe myself once... Everything I thought was negative.......As a simple exercise she asked me to repeat 5 things I loved about myself.... Every morning I take time to honor myself and the good I have to offer.
By changing that simple track in my head my outlook was shifted so much that I was able to see the good in people again. I was able to forgive myself. Giving grace and understanding is free...... The ability to react from experience and understanding vs pain and hurt has been life changing.
This trip had been a long time coming. I was vulnerable, I put every once of energy into repairing feelings, relationships and broken hearts. All it takes is one person.... That first phone call was the scariest thing I've ever done. Saying I'm sorry and expecting nothing in return is a lesson in humility I wish I could have learned sooner. Taking that first step is always the hardest.... Having no expectations and being realistic with the potential outcomes helped balance my anxiety.
Conquering my fears, mistakes and making up for lost time is my mission. With a passion I want to fight for the good. We are all human, we all make mistakes. We all have feelings, honor them, share them and please don't fear them. Holding pieces of ourselves in causes even more confusion in this rat race of a world.
Social media has brought out more insecurities and even more competition.... Think about your family, friends and ourselves. These are the ties that bond us. Your feelings matter.... embrace your power and change the world one person at a time.
One phone called made this trip possible, I'm a amazed and thankful for my family and friends for supporting me on this journey.
Time is the only currency that we need... Spend it wisely
Welcome back
It has been an incredible amount of time since I've logged in. How long has it been since i stopped the chaos long enough to enjoy a cup of coffee? Longer even since I've taken the time for myself. To unplug, to express my thoughts, to give back to ME.
I've blogged about pregnancy, birth, being a new mom. All those things are a part of me now. They have shaped my perception of what is my "reality". These next blogs will be deeper, raw and healing. The power of words, wisdom and energy have changed my life for the better. If just ONE of you can take a piece of my journey to improve yours its all worth it.
Who knew being a mom would pull out my deepest insecurities, break relationships and fill me with a love that's unexplainable.
My son, you have loved me, forgiven me and pushed me to be the best I can be. I'll forever be grateful you came into my life.
My husband..... without you I'd be a puddle of tears on the floor. You see me in a light so great that only you see fully. You build me up... You push me and you are my anchor of support. This life we have if so full, so rich and better than any fairytale.
Lastly to every single one of you reading, believe in yourself. Be the flame that ignites fires. Feel the burn, the passion for living and letting go of all that has "broken" us.
I've blogged about pregnancy, birth, being a new mom. All those things are a part of me now. They have shaped my perception of what is my "reality". These next blogs will be deeper, raw and healing. The power of words, wisdom and energy have changed my life for the better. If just ONE of you can take a piece of my journey to improve yours its all worth it.
Who knew being a mom would pull out my deepest insecurities, break relationships and fill me with a love that's unexplainable.
My son, you have loved me, forgiven me and pushed me to be the best I can be. I'll forever be grateful you came into my life.
My husband..... without you I'd be a puddle of tears on the floor. You see me in a light so great that only you see fully. You build me up... You push me and you are my anchor of support. This life we have if so full, so rich and better than any fairytale.
Lastly to every single one of you reading, believe in yourself. Be the flame that ignites fires. Feel the burn, the passion for living and letting go of all that has "broken" us.
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