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| His hand is raised in this picture |
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| this picture doesn't show the teeth marks |
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Press Rewind
Over the weekend B and I went to Busch Gardens for the day. The first thing I noticed about this money making enterprise is that it costs $14 just to park, However they do provide a courtesy shuttle. Once getting to the gate I start observing the mass chaos. It is still Christmas break and there are people EVERYWHERE! Next stop the ticket window: The sign reads $79 for a one day pass, it should read hand over your first born and your wallet if you ever want to come back. I will admit I made the first mistake of the trip, I handed B a map. While a map might seem like a good idea I can assure you it's not. With map in hand our leisurely stroll came to a screeching halt while Indian Jones ( B ) mapped our course. Keep in mind this adventure would have been more fun had I not been sitting on the couch for 3 months prior. Fast forward three hours: huffing puffing pregnant lady can barely walk and is DONE with theme parks, Indian Jones has to ride the train. Pardon me for asking for a drink, heaven forbid we miss the train. After a mini melt down by Indiana, running to catch his beloved train, we made it!
Also this weekend we got to see our Bean for the "big" scan. We had a great ultrasound tech this time, not the cold as ice snatch from before. I just have to say that my son is already an over achiever. The tech prepped us that sometimes the babies wiggle and squirm all over making it difficult to get all the measurements needed. My son just laid there happy as a clam to let her measure. Only a mom can brag about that, so I did! The tech did indicate that Bean was slightly smaller than expected, causing me to freak out. The midwife assured me that everything was still normal and Bean was still healthy. I had gained 5 pound and lost 3 making a grand total of 2 gained. That calls for a small baby and I, the babies oven am small so shove it!
The last exciting this we had to do this weekend is cat proof the house. Coon has always been more of a wild cat than an indoor cuddly one. He is constantly getting into things and no discipline seems to matter. He most recent accomplishment is learning how to open the closet doors. One night while perfecting his skills he managed to drag an entire bag of onions into the kitchen and livingroom. Apparently the mass amount of toys we provide are not nearly as fun as onions. Now that he has mastered the skill we hear banging and crashing until he gets what he wants. Yesterday he choose to test my patience once again. Coon usually eats only raw meats unless I'm lazy and then he eats dry cat food. Last night I fed him fresh steak, he wanted dry food, I did not give in. He showed me by going to the closet where the food is, opened the doors and Beethovened his way through the bag of food. Coon wins, I loose. We now have childproof locks on the doors to keep the cat out. That down right pissed Coon off so it will only be a matter of time before he succeeds in chewing the lock off.
Monday, January 9, 2012
1 year
This is not really the place to write about the events that took place last year, however I will say it was the day I got my life back. Some say that there are seven stages of grief, I remember only three.
I processed through guilt. I remember guilt so clearly because I was ashamed at how I felt. I felt guilty for the things I said, wishing I would have been honest and not so curt. I felt guilt for not feeling sad. I felt guilt because I could start over and others could not. I also had the pleasure of carrying everyone else's guilt because in death someone must be blamed.
This next one is a two part deal. Its called anger and bargaining. I had double anger and no bargain. Its been 365 days and I'm still mad. If I could scream and yell and make him see his actions caused his demise I would. I was angry at everyone else who blamed me. Everyone who had an opinion that they choose to go public with. I was hot with anger over the fear I lived in. I had no bargaining, I didn't want a different outcome. More than anything I am angry that I put myself in that position to begin with. I am angry for not asking for help. I am angry that I let some piece of shit man control me and my existence.
The last one is acceptance. I am no longer ashamed of how I dealt with the "situation". When forced with a fork in the road to dwell, suffer and relive the pain or to move on, I choose to move on. Whats done is done. No amount of crying, moping or sitting around wallowing in pain is going to change what happened. Because I choose to accept his death rather than live in denial, I was the most cold hearted bitch to ever walk the planet. I would rather pick up my pieces and start over rather than humpty dumpty them back together. I wish that people could see that acceptance is going to come at one time or another. Perhaps my detachment was easier due to the circumstances or because I had already given up long before he was dead. As insensitive, cold hearted and ridiculous as it may sound to some I was happy that my old life was over. To me his death meant a new beginning, I had a chance to live life the right way again.
My theory on Mulligan Marriage:
My previous marriage was given a mulligan, a do over, an oopps. While we said all the same vows that everyone else does, we lived them slightly different. The term husband is to easily given out. If you look up said husband in the dictionary it will say: drug dealer, wife beater, steroid junkie, alcoholic and later on a drug addict. Sounds pretty awesome right? When getting married I had no idea what I was in for. While it takes two to get married, it takes two to destroy the union as well. I was no angel by any means, I simply wanted out. My out came, just in a different way. I got a mulligan. I know exactly what I do not want in a husband and what type of marriage I will never have again.
I can still remember this day like a movie, in time that will fade. For now it is a constant reminder that I got a second chance and my fate ended in happiness and not a grave. I can not thank my family and friends enough for going on this roller coaster with me.
" Don't let the past and useless details choke your existence"
I processed through guilt. I remember guilt so clearly because I was ashamed at how I felt. I felt guilty for the things I said, wishing I would have been honest and not so curt. I felt guilt for not feeling sad. I felt guilt because I could start over and others could not. I also had the pleasure of carrying everyone else's guilt because in death someone must be blamed.
This next one is a two part deal. Its called anger and bargaining. I had double anger and no bargain. Its been 365 days and I'm still mad. If I could scream and yell and make him see his actions caused his demise I would. I was angry at everyone else who blamed me. Everyone who had an opinion that they choose to go public with. I was hot with anger over the fear I lived in. I had no bargaining, I didn't want a different outcome. More than anything I am angry that I put myself in that position to begin with. I am angry for not asking for help. I am angry that I let some piece of shit man control me and my existence.
The last one is acceptance. I am no longer ashamed of how I dealt with the "situation". When forced with a fork in the road to dwell, suffer and relive the pain or to move on, I choose to move on. Whats done is done. No amount of crying, moping or sitting around wallowing in pain is going to change what happened. Because I choose to accept his death rather than live in denial, I was the most cold hearted bitch to ever walk the planet. I would rather pick up my pieces and start over rather than humpty dumpty them back together. I wish that people could see that acceptance is going to come at one time or another. Perhaps my detachment was easier due to the circumstances or because I had already given up long before he was dead. As insensitive, cold hearted and ridiculous as it may sound to some I was happy that my old life was over. To me his death meant a new beginning, I had a chance to live life the right way again.
My theory on Mulligan Marriage:
My previous marriage was given a mulligan, a do over, an oopps. While we said all the same vows that everyone else does, we lived them slightly different. The term husband is to easily given out. If you look up said husband in the dictionary it will say: drug dealer, wife beater, steroid junkie, alcoholic and later on a drug addict. Sounds pretty awesome right? When getting married I had no idea what I was in for. While it takes two to get married, it takes two to destroy the union as well. I was no angel by any means, I simply wanted out. My out came, just in a different way. I got a mulligan. I know exactly what I do not want in a husband and what type of marriage I will never have again.
I can still remember this day like a movie, in time that will fade. For now it is a constant reminder that I got a second chance and my fate ended in happiness and not a grave. I can not thank my family and friends enough for going on this roller coaster with me.
" Don't let the past and useless details choke your existence"
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Old Folks
Last night was friday, We went to bed at 9pm.
I had a horrible headache all day resulting in take out chinese soup for dinner. One episode of the Tree Hill and we went to bed. B was snoring before I shut the t.v off.
Welcome to being old, no more clubs, no more drinking, and barely able to make it awake until our 10pm bedtime.
I had a horrible headache all day resulting in take out chinese soup for dinner. One episode of the Tree Hill and we went to bed. B was snoring before I shut the t.v off.
Welcome to being old, no more clubs, no more drinking, and barely able to make it awake until our 10pm bedtime.
Friday, January 6, 2012
160 To Go
Yesterday I got to check on Bean, he is doing great. He weighs around half a pound now, and had a steady heartbeat at 152. I on the other hand have gained 6 pounds! WTF? It just came on over night. I also have two blood blisters. Thanks to my growth spurt my boobs are now even bigger, causing blood blisters to form instead of actual stretch marks. Today is day one with no coffee. Stupid tension headaches you win! Hot chocolate just doesn't cut it :( My blood pressure was still 110/70 or on a scale of green to red its in the lowest green!
Food is no longer a challenge, I have to be very careful of what I put in my mouth now. I have finished eating all of my cookies and will not be purchasing more. The ice cream is all gone and replaced by fresh cut fruit. My lunches have gone back to PB&J or a salad. I attempted to stock the house with healthy choices instead of crap. I want to start exercising again except if flippin cold out and I would rather not be cold.
I can't figure out where this first week of January went. Next week is already kick off for Snap-on. We have another appointment for Bean at the end of the month and then it will be February. I am 18 weeks pregnant with only 22 to go.
Food is no longer a challenge, I have to be very careful of what I put in my mouth now. I have finished eating all of my cookies and will not be purchasing more. The ice cream is all gone and replaced by fresh cut fruit. My lunches have gone back to PB&J or a salad. I attempted to stock the house with healthy choices instead of crap. I want to start exercising again except if flippin cold out and I would rather not be cold.
I can't figure out where this first week of January went. Next week is already kick off for Snap-on. We have another appointment for Bean at the end of the month and then it will be February. I am 18 weeks pregnant with only 22 to go.
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| My uterus is the size of a cantaloupe, Bean is a sweet potato |
Thursday, January 5, 2012
B's rules for being pregnant
So since getting pregnant, B has implemented some of his own rules. They are quite hilarious and have no medical backing. As I grow, so does the list!
Don'ts
~ no pork
~ no skating ( ice or otherwise)
~ no biking
~ no bath tub alone ( this may be valid as I have fallen getting out)
~ no running ( it could jiggle Bean)
~ no lifting
~ no bowling ( that came up last night)
~ no Busch Gardens ( I don't ride the rides so who cares!!!!)
~ no fishing on boats
~ no cruises
There are plenty more however prego brain has robbed them from me. I will also include a list Do's
Do's
~ Fix him drinks
~ become a DD for 9 months
~ cook and clean
~ help with the tools
~ make his endless amounts of snacks ( its practice for when Bean comes)
~ clean his messes ( another preparer for Bean)
~ run errands that involve the car and no actual running
~ boss the grocery staff around to do the lifting ( I don't even look pregnant)
~ sex ( that activity is some how safe yet walking to the mail box is not)
Checking on Bean in a few hours, off to Mommy Group. Doughnuts and coffee here we come.
Don'ts
~ no pork
~ no skating ( ice or otherwise)
~ no biking
~ no bath tub alone ( this may be valid as I have fallen getting out)
~ no running ( it could jiggle Bean)
~ no lifting
~ no bowling ( that came up last night)
~ no Busch Gardens ( I don't ride the rides so who cares!!!!)
~ no fishing on boats
~ no cruises
There are plenty more however prego brain has robbed them from me. I will also include a list Do's
Do's
~ Fix him drinks
~ become a DD for 9 months
~ cook and clean
~ help with the tools
~ make his endless amounts of snacks ( its practice for when Bean comes)
~ clean his messes ( another preparer for Bean)
~ run errands that involve the car and no actual running
~ boss the grocery staff around to do the lifting ( I don't even look pregnant)
~ sex ( that activity is some how safe yet walking to the mail box is not)
Checking on Bean in a few hours, off to Mommy Group. Doughnuts and coffee here we come.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Jokes
Jokes are funny, they make people laugh, however I am tired of being the butt of the jokes. Granted being pregnant is hilarious and seems to supply an endless amount of material. Today I think I will share some of the awesomeness that has unfolded this week.
I have always been rather clumsy and uncoordinated, much to the delight of my friends and family over the years. Sunday night I managed to swallow water and air, resulting in spitting the entire mouthful on the floor. The sad thing is that I never even tried to make it to the sink or an appropriate place to expel water with such force. After saving myself from a near drowning, I started laughing hysterically causing B to laugh at me. I continue to laugh/cry and clean up my mess while B continues to laugh at me. I finally sit down and ask him why he didn't help? He replied " I just thought you found a new way to clean the floor". His list of reasons for not helping are that original. Nightly he asks if I need a bib or a sippy cup to keep the air out.
Example two: Monday night I was very tired and fell asleep easily. Sometime in the night I managed to get up, use the restroom and proceed to sleep on the pot instead of coming back to bed. Awesome I know, I have no recollection of getting out of bed in the first place let alone the events that follwed afterward. B tells me at dinner last night " you know you fell asleep on the toilet last night right?" I responded " no? I had no idea I even left the bed" B-" yep, you were gone for a long time. instead of waiting for you to get up I just went to the other bathroom". I'm not quite sure whats worse the fact that I fell asleep or that he left me there?
Example three: Everyone who has been pregnant or knows someone who is pregnant knows that every ten seconds they have to go pee. With that being said, jokes that could result in an accidental peeing of the pants should not be allowed. I will say that I have yet to actually pee my pants but have gotten close. B must be on a mission to get one last thrill in before I beat his ass. I was leaning over the kitchen sink, B comes behind me and pinches my rear. Funny expect I was startled, it hurt and I almost pee'd my pants. To B this is great fun, he has made it his mission to try multiple times a night to catch me off guard. I can only imagine the pranks that Bean and B will be playing on me shortly.
I could list many more examples but these ones are the best. We have an appointment to check on Bean tomorrow. He is getting bigger and more comfortable in his "oven". I feel him swimming about most days. Chinese food really sends him into a frenzy. I have started playing him music, they say it helps soothe them later on. I purchased some clothes for Bean and a halloween bib. I will give updates on Bean soon.
I have always been rather clumsy and uncoordinated, much to the delight of my friends and family over the years. Sunday night I managed to swallow water and air, resulting in spitting the entire mouthful on the floor. The sad thing is that I never even tried to make it to the sink or an appropriate place to expel water with such force. After saving myself from a near drowning, I started laughing hysterically causing B to laugh at me. I continue to laugh/cry and clean up my mess while B continues to laugh at me. I finally sit down and ask him why he didn't help? He replied " I just thought you found a new way to clean the floor". His list of reasons for not helping are that original. Nightly he asks if I need a bib or a sippy cup to keep the air out.
Example two: Monday night I was very tired and fell asleep easily. Sometime in the night I managed to get up, use the restroom and proceed to sleep on the pot instead of coming back to bed. Awesome I know, I have no recollection of getting out of bed in the first place let alone the events that follwed afterward. B tells me at dinner last night " you know you fell asleep on the toilet last night right?" I responded " no? I had no idea I even left the bed" B-" yep, you were gone for a long time. instead of waiting for you to get up I just went to the other bathroom". I'm not quite sure whats worse the fact that I fell asleep or that he left me there?
Example three: Everyone who has been pregnant or knows someone who is pregnant knows that every ten seconds they have to go pee. With that being said, jokes that could result in an accidental peeing of the pants should not be allowed. I will say that I have yet to actually pee my pants but have gotten close. B must be on a mission to get one last thrill in before I beat his ass. I was leaning over the kitchen sink, B comes behind me and pinches my rear. Funny expect I was startled, it hurt and I almost pee'd my pants. To B this is great fun, he has made it his mission to try multiple times a night to catch me off guard. I can only imagine the pranks that Bean and B will be playing on me shortly.
I could list many more examples but these ones are the best. We have an appointment to check on Bean tomorrow. He is getting bigger and more comfortable in his "oven". I feel him swimming about most days. Chinese food really sends him into a frenzy. I have started playing him music, they say it helps soothe them later on. I purchased some clothes for Bean and a halloween bib. I will give updates on Bean soon.
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| Jan 2nd 2012 |
Monday, January 2, 2012
Engagements
Since becoming "knocked-up", B and I have talked about getting hitched. Mainly out of ease for documents, last names and when it comes time for Bean to go to school. In other words, not the whole fairytale type of wedding hoopla that is associated with getting hitched. Being married is not a necessity for either of us, making the rush to tie the knot more of "stop, do not pass go, do not collect $200".
So far 2012 has been the year for engagements. Since Christmas at least five of our friends have gotten engaged, not including B's nephew. B and I got word that ANOTHER person got engaged last night. This morning, I turn on my computer and now LEBRON JAMES is engaged. What the F??????
The part that gets me is that B must rub it in my face, or share the news in an over excited fashion. I had had enough and made some flippant remark about "good for them" or something. B proceeded with, " if it makes you feel better, go down and have my old ring melted into something you want". Granted I see the problem solving aspect of being the man and trying to fix the problem, however the fact that this old ring was given to him by his ex wife defeats the purpose.
While we still agree that being happy with our relationship is most important, a girl can dream right? So incase B ever decides to read my blog, I have included a picture of my dream ring.
So far 2012 has been the year for engagements. Since Christmas at least five of our friends have gotten engaged, not including B's nephew. B and I got word that ANOTHER person got engaged last night. This morning, I turn on my computer and now LEBRON JAMES is engaged. What the F??????
The part that gets me is that B must rub it in my face, or share the news in an over excited fashion. I had had enough and made some flippant remark about "good for them" or something. B proceeded with, " if it makes you feel better, go down and have my old ring melted into something you want". Granted I see the problem solving aspect of being the man and trying to fix the problem, however the fact that this old ring was given to him by his ex wife defeats the purpose.
While we still agree that being happy with our relationship is most important, a girl can dream right? So incase B ever decides to read my blog, I have included a picture of my dream ring.
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